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  • Writer's pictureKerryDawes

Stroking your own ego

Updated: Nov 18, 2023

Anyone else tend to prefix a statement with a self deprecating comment?

You’re not alone.

Let’s be honest, egos exist, some are larger or more obvious than others, but we need to remove the shame about having an ego or self confidence.

During lockdown, like many others, I took on a number of other roles to cover people who were either not in role or on furlough. However, I caught myself constantly saying “I’m not a very good xxxx role”. However, I look back and we actually did a good job and I managed to fill those jobs well. Perhaps I do know what I’m doing?!

Furthermore, when proposing a technical solution I always put in front “I may not know…” when actually, truth be told, I do know. I am just scared to put myself out there as a subject matter expert. Although interestingly I get positive feedback from those around me.

By adding in this self deprecating statements, you can often put that thought in someone else’s head which they wouldn’t have thought, further exacerbating the issue.

So what do you do… Let’s be really clear here, this is very much a work in progress for me and something I am not comfortable with but going to try and practice this myself.

  1. When making a statement about a topic, just make the statement, no prefix. Say it with confidence and assertion

  2. Don’t be ashamed of your knowledge and ego. Let’s be honest, many around you don’t!

  3. If you don’t know something, stay quiet, that means that when you do say something it comes with weight and credibility.

  4. Perhaps write a list of thing you know you are good at, recognise them, review them regularly and remind yourself of what you bring to the table.

Finally, give yourself a bit of a break, you may not always get it right, but remember you are employed and valued for particular skills you bring to the table so give your ego a little stroke and enter the (virtual) room with some confidence!

Let me know any tips or ideas you’ve tried or concerns you struggle to overcome. I’d love to hear from you.



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